miss emma.

2011-04-20T23:18:00.000-07:00

i have been thinking about when i wanted to end this blog and begin documenting my life with david. i thought about beginning once we got engaged, or waiting til we got married, but i feel like our official story really began tonight, at the temple.

in ten days i get to marry my best friend for time and all eternity. i get to be with him beyond this life. i get to start an eternal family with him, i get to be his queen.

i know words will never do justice to the gratitude and love that i feel towards him, but i will try anyway.

to david:

just when i thought i couldn't love you any more, i do. you are my soul mate, you are my other half, you are truly the love of my life and beyond. and i can't wait for our eternity.

please continue to follow us on our journey together here.

2011-04-19T00:09:00.000-07:00

today was a great day.

i woke up and made myself some eggs,

i dropped my car off at the dealer and picked out a little (or maybe not so little) something something i want come august (hint: it's white and sparkly and has four wheels),

i dominated my book of mormon final,

i went to the joseph smith building distribution center with david and bought all things white,

david and i went to chipotle and had a delicious burrito bowl,

i spent 3 hours at forever21 and bought a huge bag of seriously cute modest clothing,

david then took me to the at&t store and bought me an iphone!!!

victory. huge huge huge victory. i have basically been phoneless since thanksgiving, and now i have a beautiful iphone 4 that does the coolest things.

we finished off the night with kevin and kurt and making a better than sex cake (not like i ate any) and now david and i are snuggled on the couch watching gossip girl.

to say i'm happy would be a vast understatement.

2011-04-18T10:10:00.000-07:00

to quote batman, the night is always darkest just before the dawn. and this phrase is incredibly applicable to our engaged life this past week. my hormone unbalance took me over and turned me into a hot mess for about 6 straight days, but after a lot of praying, a priesthood blessing from my man, and the most amazing bridal shower ever, i am so so thankful for everything that i am blessed with.

for this man (my husband in 12 days), who saves me every single day:

for these girls (plus everyone else), who threw me such a gorgeous bridal shower (pics to come):

for this place, where i get to go on wednesday:

and for this man, who has taken care of me my whole life and given me the wedding of my dreams:

12 days, my friends. 12 short days.

2011-04-12T21:21:00.000-07:00

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

- e e cummings.

2011-04-08T15:57:00.000-07:00

due to fraudulent charges (some person in nevada spent $80 on my card via amazon.com), my card has been laid to rest.
my blackberry is also now completely dead. won't even turn on.
so what do i carry in my lv bag, since i have no need for a wallet and no phone?
lipgloss.
hi, i'm 14 again.

other struggles:
david was accidentally charged for 6 suits by the kohl's kiosk.
we still don't have a dj. oops.
i'm growing out my leg hair so i can get it waxed...gross.
finals are approaching. yikes.

2011-04-06T20:07:00.000-07:00

updates and thank you's:

- our invitations are out! seriously, thank you to those who took the time and effort to tell me you liked them and think they are beautiful. sometimes i get really discouraged, doing all of this planning by myself, and it feels so good to know it's appreciated and that my hard work is paying off. a piece of my soul went into those invitations and a chunk of my soul is going into this wedding.

- we get married in 3 1/2 weeks, which is very soon. and we're both really (surprisingly for me) calm. we're excited about it and ready for it. sometimes when i think about it in days, my heart beats a little bit fast and i have to take deep breaths, but then i come to my senses and realize that i am so ready for this. i am ready to be married to him.

- our honeymoon is booked! cancun, here we come. we like to daydream out loud a lot about white beaches and breakfast buffets (that's just me) and sunshine and vacation. we seriously can't wait. thank you to my future in-laws, you both are great.

- we went to david's work party last night and won a tv. wooohoo! sorry i'm going to brag here a little bit but they put everyone's numbers up on the big screen and david's were about 3 times as much as everyone else' and it was so good to see his hard work pay off and have everyone acknowledge how amazing he is. seriously, i won the lottery with that guy.

- we are looking at wedding bands. i have had mine picked out since we picked out the engagement ring, but finding one for him seems to be more of a process. sterling vs. titanium vs. tungsten vs. white gold?

- i just ordered the remaining 3 bridesmaids dresses on monday.

- my wedding planner, rental coordinator, venue coordinator, and caterer all met at the venue yesterday to go over set up and the plan. a huge huge huge thank you goes out to pam, the caterer, who has gone above and beyond caterer duties during this wedding planning process. from finding the venue, to writing up a million estimates, to organizing the rentals, she is a lifesaver. if anyone ever needs an incredible caterer - pam from summit catering takes the cake.

- speaking of cake, the cake artist informed me that she's started making fondant flowers for our cake already! sometimes i dream about this cake. it's going to be good and i'm going to eat a lot of it.

- i thought david was coming down with something this weekend when he slept allllll dayyyy long on saturday and sunday. he told me he was just overworked and conference was lulling him to sleep, but the poor guy is sick. all snuffly and headachey and sleepy. he took another 5 hour nap this afternoon. poor baby.

- things are getting checked off, days are going by, the day is coming closer and closer. couldn't be more excited about it.

2011-04-05T01:07:00.000-07:00

i think the reality that i'm getting married in twenty-five days is starting to hit me because i'm getting awfully sentimental in the most stereotypical ways. tonight i was reminded of the stories my dad would tell me and aenon before we went to sleep when we were little girls. looking back now, i see how truly a creative genius my dad is and how he could craft incredible, dynamic fairytales off the top of his head. he had this one character named bishop tortuga who frequented his stories. i can't remember any specific storyline really, but he was a tortoise who lived in a miniature house off of the i-15.
before we fell asleep, my dad would "trace my face", by brushing the lines of my face with his finger. he would tell me to lie very still so he could capture all of my features. he would sing scottish folk songs that his mother used to sing to him, while i slowly drifted off to sleep. more than the stories, more than the words to the songs, i remember the way he made me feel; like i was the most important, exquisite, priceless creature he could imagine.
tonight before david left, he touched my face and brushed my hair back and made me feel like i was a little girl again, safe and sound, tucked in to bed. and all i could think about is how grateful i am for these great men in my life who love me so much and take care of me so well. and then i thought about how infinitely blessed i am to have my david, and how i know that he will make our daughter feel just like my dad made me feel: priceless. and nothing makes my heart happier.

2011-04-01T08:57:00.000-07:00

i woke up to this g-chat from my dad:

Craig: Good Morning, my sweet girl. Stay the course. Have faith. Be kind. I love you!

i don't think i ever needed to hear anything more.

faith: the independent's life-long struggle.

2011-03-28T09:33:00.000-07:00

i'm pretty sure if i loved him any more, my heart would explode.

2011-03-26T22:01:00.000-07:00

my dress came on monday.

i met with the genius who's altering it on wednesday.

i picked up invitations today, spent 4 hours putting them together, and am sending them off on monday.

4/7 bridesmaids dresses arrived on friday. other than aenon's being much too short, they are beautiful.

i chit-chatted with my wedding planner today. everything is right on track.

the wedding is coming together.

it's no longer just an idea inside my head, it's a real event that's going to happen.

and it's happening in 5 short weeks.

my babe comes home in 9 hours or so.

not like i'm counting or anything.

if someone asked me where my favorite place is, i'd probably say rome.

or london.

or disneyland.

or the island of kauai.

but really, my favorite place is here:

in these arms.

2011-03-24T23:45:00.000-07:00

to my bridesmaids:

i sure love you all.

xo,

emma/ej/sunny

2011-03-21T10:16:00.000-07:00

are you sick of looking at us yet? because i'm not.

david left for a work trip this morning. i feel like a widow already. and it's raining outside, of course.

we get married in 39 days.

i've been practicing my future signature all week, like a love-stricken 4th grader.

2011-03-17T23:04:00.000-07:00

david's parents are in town visiting.

we spent the majority of today looking for suits for the groomsmen.

we finally found the perfect suit, and when david came out with it on, i saw a glimpse of my husband for the first time.

the man who will take me to the temple,

the man who will take care of me forever,

the man who will be the father of my children,

the man of my dreams.

and i definitely wasn't complaining, he looks awful good dressed up.

42 days til he's mine, all mine, for infinity and beyond.

2011-03-14T11:56:00.000-07:00

i had my first horror dream about the wedding last night. it was april 30th, and my dress hadn't arrived or been altered yet. and then we were back at my house up here, and wedding presents were being delivered, and someone left us a baby and a box full of toys. no note, nothing. just a red headed baby.

needless to say, i woke up extremely unsettled.

yesterday i made homemade rolls and homemade lasagna and had all the boys over for dinner. it was kind of a celebration of tanner's life, because yesterday, as he was driving home, he fell asleep at the wheel, hit another car, and somehow is completely fine. before he even woke up, he was pulled off onto the side of the road, with his car in park. he didn't wake up until the man in the car he hit knocked on his window. he doesn't remember anything, as he was asleep, but he's completely unharmed. we sat at the table and talked about how angels must have been driving for him. miracles really do exist, and God really does live and take active part in our lives.

i've decided i'm sick of letting people rain on my parade. i'm sick of letting them determine my happiness.

today i'm going to be happy, even if people are mean to me, even if it snows, even if i'm late to class. i'm going to be happy because i have so many reasons to be.

2011-03-12T22:02:00.000-08:00

this past week has been interesting, to say the least.

i've been super emotional and blame my new birth control for all of the tears.

surely it's not normal to cry this much.

on a brighter note, i went to breakfast with these gems this morning:

my london lovers - the dorm 4 divas.

i hadn't seen jenny or macy since we left london town. now jenny and laura and i are engaged women. it was so good to catch up on life and talk and reminisce on the happy times at 27 palace court. i am thankful for each one of them and the individual lessons they have taught me and the examples they have been for me. my four months in london were magical, really. and i can't wait to show my honey the city someday.

david and i get married in 47 days now. 47 days is very very soon. you know, call me crazy, but i'm pretty sure this is my and david's wedding. and i'm pretty sure that we have the right to determine who gets to be there, since it's our wedding. now riddle me this: would you want a negative force at the most important event of your life? i didn't think so.

sometimes i get frustrated when i'm misunderstood, or when my side of things isn't relayed accurately. sometimes it's hard when the people who are supposed to love you the most betray you over and over again. but at the end of the day, that doesn't really matter anymore...

i have my david, a ring on my finger that means forever, and i have a temple date to be sealed to him for time and all eternity on april 30th.

and that's all i really care about and all that really matters.
and anyone who can't support me in that, isn't worth my time.

2011-03-10T21:05:00.000-08:00

cruisin'

my wedding is finally starting to take shape. things are getting done, checklists are being crossed off, my sanity is coming back to me.

we finished season 1 of greys anatomy. i think david likes mcdreamy more than i do. someday we want to own every season of everything. someday, my friends.

sometimes david and i like to sit and dream about our future. i love how possible everything seems to us. and i know that we are young and naive and obviously have no idea how hard married life is or whatever, but i love being this way. i love that nothing seems out of reach. we want to have our house paid off before we have a baby. i want to bake homemade bread every week. we want to spend thanksgiving in london, new years eve in new york city. we want to walk the dog together every morning. it's all terribly idealistic, and i love it.

both yesterday and today the weather has been incredible. like 60 degrees incredible. yesterday we went to target and drove with the windows down in the MBZ and i had my sunglasses on and we listened to some classic gangster songs and i felt all warm and fuzzy inside - like i could be completely happy forever doing whatever, wherever, as long as he's riding shotgun with me.

this post is all over the place, kind of like my brain. i apologize. really all i wanted to iterate is that i'm happy. and at peace. and i really like being happy.

2011-03-08T11:20:00.000-08:00

updates on my life:

- i made my first loaf of yeast bread on saturday. cinnamon swirl bread, to be exact. i didn't have any because girls who are getting married in approximately 50 days don't eat cinnamon swirl bread (duh), but david said it was delish.

- our reception venue fell through last monday, but we were able to find something else (and quite possibly better) on friday.

- we are really into season 1 of greys anatomy. who needs a social life when you have a fiance and the staff of seattle grace?

- i finished my diet and i can now have healthy fats. you don't realize how great cheese and nuts and butter are until you are without for 23 days.

- a yogurtland just opened in orem! happy day for little old meeee!

- i ordered water for elephants on amazon.com on sunday and paid about 50% of the in-store price. it's supposed to come tomorrow - can't wait.

- david got a bonus last week!

- i can't find bridesmaids dresses for the life of me.

- my wedding reception is still consuming my life. is it bad that i can't wait for it to be over?

- maybe i can't remember the last time i showered.

- i drove home from slc last night in a snow storm. i cruised at an even 55mph. i would say i hate the snow, but i'm too appreciative to be alive to complain.

- i'm pretty sure we're going to cancun on our honeymoon.

- we picked out our engagement picture and are planning on getting it printed this week!

- our invitations are going to be a little late, don't judge us.

2011-03-04T09:31:00.000-08:00

sometimes i just look at david and my heart swells to the point where i'm sure it's going to explode.

i don't think the word grateful will ever do justice in explaining how i feel.

i am eternally, immensely, and completely thankful that he is mine.

that he chose me to be his forever.

last night he told me i looked like an angel.

and i have never been more sure that God is real; that he sent david to me because i needed him, and he needed me.

because something like this love, something this encompassing, this deep, this sincere, can only be heaven sent.

and of that i'm sure.

2011-02-28T01:23:00.000-08:00

i love a boy named david.

i love that he falls asleep in approximately 30 seconds when i scratch his head.

i love trail mix minus the m&ms.

i love lazy sundays.

i love light pink nail polish, even though david says it's boring.

i love the color of halle berry's skin.

i love my dog maggie.

i love toby too except he's pretty gassy.

i love the ring on my left hand ring finger and the way it sparkles.

i love washing my face every night.

i love flannel sheets.

i love mexican food.

i love driving alone because i sing embarrassingly loud to taylor swift.

i love tan lines.

i love the sunshine probably more than anything except david and food.

i love fresh flowers.

i love diet lipton green tea and the wonders it does to my body.

i love sleeping in on saturday mornings.

i love byu, despite how much i complain about it.

i love the color tiffany blue.

i love fresh linen candles from bath and body works.

i love marc jacobs daisy and have been wearing it for over 4 years.

i love white linen by estee lauder too because it smells like my mom used to.

i love the piano.

i love a restaurant called the beach house on kauai.

i love lemon water.

i love london.

i love murder shows on tv.

i love instyle magazine.

i love waking up early to make breakfast and start the day off right.

i love the couch at home. best couch ever, i promise.

i love my sisters.

i love my brothers too.

i love my disneyland pass.

i love the curves of vista del verde.

i love yogurtland.

i love peonies.

i love my future in-laws.

i love rome, italy.

i love thanksgiving.

i love christmas lights.

i love santa.

i love being blonde.

i love the movies moulin rouge and how to lose a guy in ten days.

i love justin timberlake.

i love mila kunis's dress at the oscars tonight.

i love photographs.

and despite the imperfections and the struggles and the sad things,

i really love my life.

2011-02-24T17:55:00.000-08:00

every time david goes out of town, it snows.

coincidence?

i think not.

we've been apart for 5.5 hours and the depression has already set in.

sunday morning, please come faster.

i just came home from a long day of byu to 18 gorgeous red roses he left for me.

seriously, i won the jackpot with him.

i dare you to find a better man, because he doesn't exist.

yesterday i went to the big girl doctor for the first time.

i was a nervous wreck and i'm sure if david wasn't driving, i would've turned around and canceled the appointment.

he held my hand as we sat in the waiting room and read a pregnancy magazine.

i learned a lot of things i didn't know, and i learned a lot of things that made me cringe in horror.

there are no babies in our immediate future, that's for sure.

but i survived my doctor visit.

until next year, dr. chaudhuri. you were very nice, but i can't say i'm looking forward to our next visit. don't take it personally.

have i mentioned how much i hate my sewing class?

i'm thinking about selling my sewing machine because after this semester i never want to touch another one again.

i'm sorry, but i don't have the time or energy or desire to spend 10+ hours in the sewing lab each week.

byu, you kill me.

i get married in 64 days. ohhh wassssuppp.

2011-02-22T15:31:00.000-08:00

a sneak peak of our engagement shoot is up!!

seriously, i am dying.

how come no one ever told me we are this attractive??

more to come soon.

ps. i know the bed shots are kind of steamy...ya like that? ;)

2011-02-19T11:41:00.000-08:00

we are taking engagement pictures today.

wish us luck...

ps. photos of me trying on my mom's wedding dress yesterday. let's just say i'm glad the 80's are over.

2011-02-17T10:58:00.000-08:00

happy things:

- i got my hair done and my blonde back. never again will i let it get that dark. i feel like myself again, hallelujah.

- i got my eyelashes done for $40! mind you, most girls charge $100 for the first set. what can i say, i'm a hustler.

- i went wedding dress shopping yesterday and fell in love....with every dress i put on.

- we're going to california tonight!

- we're shooting engagements on saturday!

- our kitchen is filled with flowers from valentines day. brings such a lovely ambiance to the palace.

- our garage door is fixed.

- i got a letter from sister kelsy alsup yesterday.

- i got invitations samples last night and they are beautiful beyond words! so in love.

- i love my fiance a whole lot.

and it's a great day to be alive and in love.

2011-02-13T23:06:00.000-08:00

happy valentines day to you!

love, us.

2011-02-12T11:14:00.000-08:00

we are back from our cruise and enjoyed every last minute of sunshine and fancy dinners and unlimited frozen yogurt cones.

we left monday morning and caught the jetblue 1140 flight with about 20 other vivint employees. we arrived in long beach, took a taxi to the port, went through inspection and check in and then got on our fun ship.

we walked around the ship, ate, and then i let david play with the boys while i took a nice long nap in the room. he woke me up right before dinner. i loved dinner every night - salad with bleu cheese, fresh fruit, flat iron steak, roasted chicken and sugar free vanilla ice cream for me. yes please.

we spent the next day in catalina, which is probably david's least favorite place on earth. he tells hilarious stories about young men activities gone wrong on catalina. we only spent about an hour on the island before we went back to the ship and sat by the pool and read for the rest of the day. it was such a pretty day and the sun felt amazing and i had four frozen yogurt cones and i was happy.

we spent the next day in ensenada and the boys wanted to go deep sea fishing, which i thought would be fun. david was super hesitant because he had been deep sea fishing before and gotten sea sick, but i never get sea sick so i didn't think much of it. he was also sketched out at the mexicans we were renting the boat from, being the protector that he is. but i reassured him that it would be fun and a good experience so on the boat we went.

about twenty minutes into it, i started to feel nauseous. mind you, the last time i threw up was my junior year of high school - 5 years ago. i got food poisoning from rubys and it was terrible. i hate throwing up and will do anything to prevent it. so here i am, on this boat, in the middle of the ocean, and i feel terrible but i don't want to throw up because i hate throwing up and i don't want to throw up in front of everyone and i don't want david to see me throw up. but sometimes you don't get to call the shots. and i definitely threw up. it was gross, but david held my hair and rubbed my back and once i was finished, i felt so much better. but needless to say, i don't think i will be deep sea fishing anytime soon.

the boys had a great time though! they ended up catching more than 30 fish and had a great time with the captain and mexican fisherman.

after we got off the boat, we walked around the shops of ensenada and then had a late lunch. i had some of the most amazing tacos ever! but then it started to get dark so we went back to the ship, took our regular evening nap, then had dinner.

we spent thursday at sea all day and sat by the pool and ate more frozen yogurt and i finished my book in the sun. overall, the trip was a perfect little getaway from wedding planning and school stress and my sewing class. thank you vivint for letting me come, even though i don't sell and i'm not an official "apx wife" yet. you are just great.

but now it is back to the real world. david and i went to breakfast this morning and he's been hating on utah all morning. that's what happens when you spend a week in the sun and california - you wonder why you live in provo. but hey, that's just greater motivation for him to make that cash and get us out of here i guess.

side note: happiest of birthdays to my two favorite daddies in the whole wide world!

mr. j. craig johnson and mr. michael burton celebrated one year older and wiser too this past wednesday.

happy birthday to you both, we wish we could've celebrated with you or at least called, but we were at sea.

thank you for everything you do for us, we love you both so much.

2011-02-04T17:05:00.000-08:00

i went to lunch with audrey and caitlin the other day, two friends from london. they both have a bunch of sisters, like i do, and audrey started talking about how she thinks she somewhat knows what it feels like to be a mother, because of how much she loves her little sisters.

i'm not a mother, and i don't plan on venturing down that road for quite some time, but i do think that the feelings i have for my siblings are directly linked to motherhood. i worry about them, i pray for them, i feel deeply for them.

in other words, i care for my siblings like they were my own. and in a way they are mine - they share both my dna and my upbringing, the very essence of what makes me who i am.

today is eden's 18th birthday.

she is smarter than i am. she is more patient than i am. she is inherently kinder than i am. she is a better person than i am.

sometimes i think about my life and the heartaches, the sadnesses, the pains i've had to endure - all part of my growing up process. and then i think about my little sister, and want more than anything for her to skip those bumpy parts of life. i just want to shield her from all things sad and i want her to succeed in life and to experience every happiness, not the hardships. and i guess this is a slight snippet of what motherhood feels like - this deep yearning of wanting the very best for someone.

to my little sister, i love you more than words can express. Heavenly Father put us together for a reason, i'm sure of it. He knew i needed you to be my example, and i'm infinitely glad i get to call you mine.

2011-02-03T23:00:00.000-08:00

yesterday david got invited to go on a company cruise to mexico. when he told me, i was excited for him, but jealous, obviously. if you haven't heard, the weather in provo is about 7 degrees right now. yes, 7. nothing sounds better to me than warmth and the beach and sunshine. so i encouraged him to go, reluctantly, because he has absolutely earned this vacation and deserves it more than anyone.

then a valentines day miracle happened.

he got a text from his manager this morning, saying that there was an extra ticket available -

a ticket just for little old me!

you heard me right, ladies and gentlemen, my man and i are going on a mexican cruise next week for freeeeeee. free cruise, free flights, free food, free vacation, free sunshine!

we lucked out.

big time.

thank you vivint for making me a very very happy girl.

2011-02-02T12:21:00.000-08:00

i just found these pictures on my macbook...

i think i'm going to enter us in for beautiful couple of the year.

on a more serious note, i really love him.

a lot.

he is my soulmate and my best friend and my honey and my better half.

lately i've been thinking about how lucky i am to have found him.

how most people search and search and search for their true loves, and some of those people never find it, and i found mine over four years ago.

lucky indeed.

i found this quote a couple days ago:

"in my wildest dreams, you always play the hero. in my darkest hour of the night, you rescue me, you save my life." - bliss and cerney.

thank you, bliss and cerney, for saying it better than i ever could.

david scott, you save my life. everyday.
♥
ps. check our our wedding website here.

2011-02-01T19:54:00.000-08:00

happy things:

- my man came home on sunday morning.

- he had a killer weekend and is officially my sugar daddy.

- we went on a little double date last night with my sister and her clayton to celebrate her birthday.

- i finished my first sewing project today!

- we registered at bed, bath & beyond today.

- these amazing people are designing and printing our wedding invitations.

- we received our first wedding present ever! thank you to the incredible photographer kamee june.

- we take our engagement pictures two weeks from this saturday.

- david surprised me with a bag of costco trailmix yesterday. costco trailmix is the key to my heart.

- valentines day is fast approaching!

- my dad gave me his benz.

- i deep cleaned my room while david was away. i can see my floor now and my sheets are fresh and clean and yummy.

- i get married in 88 days and counting.

not so happy things:

- i ate half the bag of trail mix yesterday.

- i have two midterms this week and i'm very unprepared for both.

- i seem to have lost all of my academic motivation. oops.

- david had an allergic reaction to his deodorant.

- i've had to wake up super super early these past two days to finish my sewing projects.

- i started a new sewing project today and i'm already behind.

- my wedding is in 88 days and i am no where near ready.

- i don't have anything to wear in our engagement pictures.

- it was painfully cold today. seriously, painful.

2011-01-28T14:12:00.000-08:00

he's been gone for 5 days, i think i'm starting to lose my mind a little bit.

it's time to come home, mr. burton.

2011-01-27T10:22:00.000-08:00

breakfast is my favorite time of day. waking up is so much easier when you know you're going to be eating something delicious in mere minutes. i've been making scrambled egg whites with turkey bacon and red peppers topped with salsa all week. seriously, so good. and then i eat my fruit, usually a nice navel orange from smiths, and finish it off with my regular green tea. judge me all you want, but green tea is a miracle worker. my skin is absolutely flawless. never mind that it prevents cancer and has tons of antioxidants, i'm all about the radiant glow it gives my skin.
david is out of town all week on a sales trip, so i've been going to bed early and waking up early and being completely boring. hermit mode is in full force. i think this is what married life is going to be like...and i kind of like it. but i have been productive - i deep cleaned my room last night (a three hour event) and even washed my sheets and lit a new candle and it feels so nice in there now. i recently read that people sleep better when they sleep in a bed that's been made, so i'm going to try it out for myself.
yesterday i had to go into williams-sonoma and figure out why our registry wasn't showing up online. they made a typo when they entered it into the system, but it's been fixed and emma johnson and david burton are now officially registered! next stop: bed bath & beyond, target and crate & barrel.
well...that's all i've got for today. sorry my blog is boring. my man will be back on sunday and hopefully then i'll have something exciting to post about.

2011-01-25T13:22:00.000-08:00

thanks paige ♥

2011-01-20T09:13:00.000-08:00

david and i are going to be california bound tonight.

oc theme song will be playing in my mind all day.

other than wedding stuff, we want to visit these two places:

the ocean and the magic kingdom. sometimes i can't believe i grew up mere minutes away from both. what a lucky brat i am.

2011-01-14T23:08:00.000-08:00

my man is away for the weekend on a work trip. whenever he leaves, i go into hibernation mode. as soon as i was home from school today, i got in my jammies (david's tshirt and sweat pants), cuddled up in my snuggie (yes, i have a snuggie and yes, i love it) and watched the food network all night. i get super excited when i can watch tv by myself and choose anything i want since we watch a whole lot of espn these days. but i'm not complaining. i can hold a legitimate conversation about college football and i watched the heisman trophy awards voluntarily. it's all about my boy cam, even though lamichael has a special place in my heart. jeez. who am i turning into?
next weekend we're taking a california vacation to get some wedding planning done. with three and a half months to go, i figure it's time to sign some contracts, write some checks, and get the show on the road. i have a meeting with a caterer and an appointment with a new venue on saturday and i'm super excited about both of them. but even more exciting than my wedding meetings is the fact that david and i are planning on putting my disneyland annual pass to use. hallelujah, it's been a while.
i've finally gotten used to the rock on my left finger. sometimes i forget why people are staring at my hand, and then i remember that i have a stunning ring with a whole lot of sparkle. hey, sometimes i like to stare at it too. it's a beauty.
3 1/2 months til i become mrs. emma burton.
3 1/2 months and a million things to do. yikes.

2011-01-11T22:06:00.000-08:00

david and i will be spending our first married summer in the dirty south.

atlanta, georgia.

and we couldn't be more excited.

a-town down.

2011-01-09T13:17:00.000-08:00

photo from august, 2007.
i went to my wedding dress consultation on thursday and it was amazing. melissa blackburn is a genius, i tell ya. i'm not going to give away too many details, but it's going to be stunning.
david and i registered at williams-sonoma yesterday. it was an absolute dream come true. we probably registered for $10,000 worth of cooking supplies. my new dream is to own copper cookware. copper cookware and louis vuitton luggage...yes please.
with my wedding dress in construction and after debating over toasters at williams-sonoma, this week has made our upcoming marriage seem much more real. it's not something we dream of anymore, it really is happening. we really are going to seal the deal for time and all eternity this april. we really are going to live together and use the same toaster. it's a strange thought, but it's what i want more than anything. to marry him, to wake up to him, to grow old with him.
and that's what it's all about, really.

2011-01-04T16:25:00.000-08:00

my wedding inspiration board

planning a wedding is much harder than i ever thought it would be, especially since i'm doing it from another state. but it's coming along. and since i've only been engaged less than two weeks, i shouldn't be freaking out too much. so far i've booked an incredible photographer, gotten 4 catering quotes, heard back from 3 venues, and i have my first consultation with the woman who is making my dress on thursday. success.

i don't really have much else to say. all is well in ptown. i started school today and this semester just might kill me, but i have a huge incentive to live so i think i will survive.

ps. if you've never heard of a camelbak water bottle, i suggest you go to target and purchase one. best water bottle ever. did you know that you're supposed to drink an oz of water for every pound you weigh? tis the season for new years resolutions, my friends. stay hydrated.

pss. part of my pre-wedding/look-good-naked diet is to start drinking green tea. yuck. please pray that i will start to like it, because i really don't.

2011-01-02T23:48:00.000-08:00

today was quite the day. we woke up at 530, left at 6, and made it to the airport at 645. delta has this really great rule that checked bags must be under 50lbs, and ours was 63. poor david had to cram so much into both of our carry-ons. we were short on time and the security line was outrageous and david was sweating from repacking and carrying our bags, but we made our flight and i slept the whole entire way.

when we landed, we somehow found ourselves at the wrong baggage claim, and then once we found the right carousel, some guy tried to steal david's bag. he wasn't successful, don't worry. our sweet friend kurt picked us up at the airport and after another stressful situation trying to get the hybrid up icy arlington drive, we immediately took a very very long nap.

after our nap, the good times didn't stop. i cleaned the kitchen, turned off the heater and all of the lights before we left for texas, but when we came home this morning, there was cereal on the counter, the bathroom light was on, and the outside door of our basement was wide open. super sketchy. and to top it all off, my car is out of battery and we temporarily lost our extra parking pass.

but hey, i guess everyone has those days, right?

2011-01-02T01:37:00.000-08:00

my senior prom 2007 - ya like that??

i wanted to write something really profound and creative about how i feel since i've been engaged, but i can't seem to find the words to make it sound unique or even smart.

it just feels clear. and right. and good.

it's so simple really.

he's just the one for me.

and he's always been the one for me, it just took me a while to figure that out.

some people learn things the hard way, unfortunately i seem to be one of them.

but i found my way, and i suppose that's what matters.

in a way, i'm glad i wandered. i'm glad i traveled, i'm glad i got serious about school, i'm glad i dated a lot of different people, because i know that i'm ready now.

i know that this is right where i'm supposed to be.

he is where i belong, and that's for certain.

2010-12-31T23:44:00.000-08:00

the year of 2010, in short:

in january, i moved to 27 palace court in the great city of london england to study abroad for four months.

in february, i spent valentines day in rome, italy.

in march, i traveled to paris, france.

in april, i spent easter in dublin, ireland.

in may, i moved back to the us, back to good old provo, and back to my bff whitney.

in june, sarah and brock got married.

in july, i did a lot of nannying to this little doll and ate a lot of yogurtland.

in august, i kicked off the start of the fall semester at the john mayer concert.

in september, i watched a lot of byu football and went to a lot of provo parties.

in october, i celebrated halloween as jenny humphrey and a cheetah.

in november, i spent thanksgiving in california with my dysfunctional family.

in december, i turned 21 and got engaged to the man of my dreams.

good riddance, 2010.

on to bigger and better things, yet again.

here's to marriage and our future life together...wish us luck.

2010-12-28T21:14:00.000-08:00

my absolute dream job is to host diners, drive-ins and dives. i want guy fieri's job more than anything. david's mom and i decided to find some of the places he highlighted in the dallas area, which lead us to twisted root burger, just a couple blocks from the grassy knoll where jfk was assassinated.

i got the chipotle-guacamole burger. it was really, really good.

my man got his regular bacon burger with onion straws. i like a creature of habit.

instead of calling out numbers or names when an order is ready, each customer is given a funny little name - like shrek or the little mermaid or jack the ripper. we were wonder woman. the employees were super friendly and funny and the food was so good and i still want guy fieri's job.

in other news, we decided to bake the pioneer woman's cinnamon rolls at about 9pm tonight so we headed to walmart in mike's race car.

i wore this.

i vow to never make fun of the people of walmart again and i'll let you know how the pioneer woman recipe turns out.

2010-12-26T23:07:00.000-08:00

day 2 of being an engaged woman...

still on cloud nine.

i can't wait for my eternity.

2010-12-25T23:39:00.000-08:00

today was my first day as an engaged woman.

it also happened to be christmas day, but that was a minor side note to me.

the burtons, my future in-laws, are officially the most incredible people alive. they made sure santa knew i was going to be here for christmas and they even got me a stocking. let me tell you, i must've been a very very good girl this year to deserve all of this.

i know, i'm looking super pretty these days.
to mike and theresa, if you ever read this blog, thank you thank you thank you from the bottom of my little heart for everything you've given me! including that handsome son of yours... :)
anyyyway, since i now have a big old ring on my finger, i love to pose like this:

photo taken immediately after engagement

photo from this morning with our new outfits from santa

and can you blame me?

after presents and breakfast, we tried to see a movie but we were late and it was sold out so we came back home and we took a nice little nap until it was time for dinner. we went to brandon and sarah's house and played with the kid's new toys and then had the best ham dinner ever. i sure do love a good holiday ham.

the only downside to today is the unfortunate laker loss to the heat, but the lakers have an unfortunate history of losing on christmas day and it was an off day. even the greatest have off days, my friends.

long story short, i am happy. very. very. happy.

2010-12-24T21:37:00.000-08:00

he asked me if i would marry him...

and i cried a whole lot.

tears of happiness, of course.

but then i said yes.

a big fat yes.

best christmas ever.

2010-12-23T12:03:00.000-08:00

last night after we picked up kevin from the airport, we planned to go to this light show, where you drive through a lit up and decorated golf course. the line was so so so long, we ended up waiting about an hour and a half. poor david was so antsy. pictures never do christmas lights any justice, so you'll have to trust me when i say that it was amazing - soooo many lights.

david and his brothers always talk about when they were little and theresa would go out of town, mike (david's dad) would feed them corndogs and rootbeer for every meal. mike and i had been talking about how much we love corndogs for the past couple days, so it seemed like fate when we saw this little stand before exiting the course. corndog and frozen chocolate covered cheesecake on a stick = perfect meal.

we came home and got in pajamas and listened to mike tell stories. i love mike's stories, especially about david's glory days as a football star. did you know that my man was the best left tackle in the state of california? apparently he used to be quite scary on the field. but now he's my sweet heart. and i'm so infinitely glad.

the summer after david graduated, he went to play football at the university of utah. we didn't know each other then. he spent a couple weeks at the U and then decided that it wasn't the best choice for him and his broken back. he gave up his lifelong passion for his future, and moved home. we met a couple days later and i can't help thinking that must've been fate - i came into his life just as a huge chapter ended unexpectedly.

call it fate, call it serendipity, call it predestination, call it whatever you want, but it's real.

i'm sure of it.

2010-12-20T22:11:00.000-08:00

today was my birthday.

the big 21.

i am now completely legal.

david's family bought a beautiful home in the dallas area, prosper, this past summer, so we are spending the holidays in the dirty south. fun fact: deon "primetime" sanders lives down the street. i didn't know who he was, but i do now. he's a former nfl player, and his house is a humble 40,000 square feet. no big deal.

prosper's original post office
anyway, we started off my birthday morning with breakfast at the cotton gin, an ancient restaurant in downtown prosper. i decided calories don't exist on my birthday, so i got a fat breakfast burrito and had toast with peach jam. and i was happy.

david's sweet mom theresa surprised me with balloons and my favorite flowers (peonies) and my favorite magazine (instyle) and my favorite birthday cake (red velvet). it's obvious why david is such an incredible man - he comes from an equally amazing family. so generous and kind and accepting and loving. i felt at home the minute i walked in the door, a feeling hard to come by for me these days.

we spent the day at the house and then went to an early dinner at la hacienda in frisco. david's oldest brother brandon and his cute family met us there and i dined on chicken and steak fajitas that rocked my world. david ordered "the whole enchilada" which was a platter of about every mexican delight you could imagine. mexican food is a passion of mine, so i was a very happy, but full, girl. they even brought me a brownie sunday and sang happy birthday to me. it was perfect.

david's niece and nephew, ella and brody
after dinner we came back to the house and had cake and ice cream and played with the kiddies and now david and i are in the home theater looking for a movie. i feel content and happy and like life makes sense again.
i love the holidays and i love my man.

2010-12-19T00:27:00.000-08:00

we are texas bound for the holidays.

nothing like a yeeehaw christmas.

2010-12-14T19:43:00.000-08:00

i woke up this morning to an unheard voicemail on my phone. don't worry, it was bambi from wells fargo, checking to see how i am doing. apparently my break down last week made quite the impression.

i cried again today. it sucks, i hate crying. my face hurts and i look like a nightmare the whole rest of the day. as you can see.

maybe i cried because i had to pay $25 to get two pairs of jeans repaired, when the nordstrom at mission viejo would've done it for free. stupid utards love to rip me off.

or maybe i cried today because i've gained 5lbs of "love weight" since getting back together with david. i can't help it, the man feeds me so well.

or maybe i cried today because i have 4,000 words of anthropological insight due on friday that i haven't started. oops, my bad.

or maybe i cried today because i'm going to start my period soon and my hormones are all over the place and i'm not crazy after all? not likely.

or maybe i cried today because i feel like everywhere i look there are happy, jolly, loving families and i simply don't have that anymore.

or maybe i cried today because reality is setting in that i am a big old adult now. a big adult with big adult problems. a big adult who discusses big adult issues like credit scores and obama's extension of the bush-era tax cuts and the benefits of a gluten-free diet.

i don't know when this happened to me, but it did.

i had to grow up over this past year, and i'm still not happy about it.

2010-12-12T00:49:00.000-08:00

david and i found this video from the summer of 2007, the best summer of our lives. life was so simple back then - before college, before his mission, before my parents split up, before life was complicated. i sometimes wish we could go back to those days, when all we had to worry about was whether we were going to eat at el torrito grill or claim jumper, but david brought up the point that now we are living the dream we only imagined back then.

we're living the dreams of the summer of 2007.

2010-12-10T03:02:00.000-08:00

my roommate lauren had a gingerbread house making party tonight. i don't want to brag, but our house definitely won. the photo doesn't do it justice.

i finished wrapping the toys for my sub-for-santa family tonight as david watched sports center. if you've never gift wrapped a toy truck before, i don't suggest you try it. it is seriously hard.

with the christmas tree lit and espn on and it being 2am, i don't think i've ever felt more married in my life. and let me tell you, it feels inexpressibly right.

please excuse my appearance in this picture. i decided to wear my pajamas to the party and i won't tell you when i washed my hair last. everyone has their struggles...maybe showering is mine? ps. you know your man loves you when he doesn't think that last sentence is gross.

2010-12-08T22:32:00.000-08:00

two posts in one day? is it your lucky day or what?

tonight i just want to talk about crying, and how it hurts my face. i cried a total of three times today, and believe me, it wasn't pretty. my mom and my sisters make really ugly faces when they cry and i'm sure i do the same. we squish in our chins, it's just not cute.

the first two times i cried today, once in book of mormon class and the other on the fourth floor of the library, i cried by myself. it wasn't anything hysterical, just a couple glistening tears and a few snuffles. i held my composure, i didn't cause a scene.

the third time i cried today was a different story. right there in the wells fargo off of ninth east, all hell broke loose. hysteric tears were flowing, i was struggling to speak, the poor banker in front of me held my hand out of pity and offered me candy. she kept telling me i was beautiful, as if knowing i am pretty would make matters magically better. it was a pathetic scene, really, and a moment i'm not too proud of.

but this third time crying was ten times easier, even though i cried much harder. it's ironic, i know, but it was easier because of the man who rubbed my back and kissed the side of my head as i sat in that chair. he didn't care that i make an ugly face when i cry, he didn't care that i was causing a scene like wells fargo had never seen before, he just made me feel like everything would be okay because he was there and he would always take care of me.

and everything is okay, because he's mine and he's all that matters anymore.

after my sweet banker told me that if i ever "needed to talk" that she was there for me (she thinks i'm a total basket case and i'm not denying that i am), david immediately took me to gurus. no questions asked, he just knew sweet potato fries would cure all of my sorrows. i've got myself a catch, and i swear i'm not going anywhere this time.

i'm sitting on his couch right now, watching him eat organic tortilla chips and watch the laker highlights. he hasn't shaved in a couple days and he's chewing with his mouth open. he's wearing a flannel that's kind of fuzzy and makes me want to snuggle him all day.

he has my heart, and he truthfully always had, even if it's taken me a while to realize it.

ps. i really think everyone should mind their own business. there are some things that you don't have the right to discuss, believe it or not.

2010-12-08T12:48:00.000-08:00

i've said it before, and i'll say it again...

you are my home.

2010-12-05T22:13:00.000-08:00

i've decided that i need to fully embrace this holiday season. it comes once a year, and this season is particularly special in my life. looking back on the christmases of the past, the years that have been most memorable and great have been the years when my family has provided service. so i found this organization called sub-for-santa where you adopt a needy family for the holidays. i signed up and was assigned a family whose home has been foreclosed on. they have two kids: a five year old daughter and an 18 month old baby boy. they sent me the mom's phone number, and i was told to call her to ask specifically what the family needed. when she answered the phone and i told her who i was and that i was planning on providing christmas for her kids, she was so overwhelmed with gratitude, she cried. she told me her little girl doesn't have any dresses, and her baby doesn't have socks or pants. my heart sank. later that night, david and i went to old navy to buy clothes for her kids. it was so fun for both of us, picking out new outfits for them, and i can't wait to go to walmart later this week and get them toys.

if you, my dear reader, are in the provo area and would like to donate to our sweet little family, please contact me.

there is no better way to get into the holiday season than to give.

on another giving note, we (and by we i mean mostly david) helped my sister move out of her house today. david and clayton, aenon's boyfriend, did all of the lifting. i carried all of a lampshade and two crates. i've really always been more of a supervisor. after poor david and clayton were exhausted and sweaty from moving two dressers and a bed, we went to red iguana for dinner. it was such a fun night and it made me inexpressibly thankful to have aenon as my sister.

my sister and i have always been complete opposites in almost every way imaginable. we're different, we always will be, but our differences have never gotten in the way of our relationship. we've always been able to completely accept who the other is, and love who the other is, despite our opinions on how the other lives.

i think that sisterhood is one of the greatest bonds i'll ever know; a built-in best friend who knows all of your faults, shares your pains and loves you unconditionally.

2010-12-01T11:41:00.000-08:00

thank you to the many people who reached out to me after my last post. i promise i never meant to evoke sympathy. i don't want your pity, i'm still too blessed for that, but i sure do appreciate your kind words and support. i'm working on focusing on the silver linings of my rain clouds, but that is an art i haven't yet mastered.

things are looking up for me. my man came back last night, and i feel tremendously better. there is light at the end of my tunnel, there is laughter back in my life. we stayed up til 4 am last night talking about the future. it's a bright one, and he makes me excited to be alive. i hate the song, but in the words of jason mraz, i'm lucky i'm in love with my best friend.

we talked about fears last night. mainly mine, since my man is mighty fearless. i'm scared of getting fat, i'm scared of having no money, i'm scared of having red headed children, i'm scared of being scared. we all have our fears, we're all human, but the key, the life-long lesson, is to not let these fears limit you. to work through them, to defy them, to express them and then break them. to try, even though you're scared. to rely on a higher power, and ultimately conquer them.

"look to me in every thought; doubt not, fear not." D&C 6:36

2010-11-29T15:01:00.000-08:00

i'm not going to lie, the johnson family has experienced happier thanksgiving breaks. thanksgiving used to mean flying home to a warm, happy, energetic household full of people i love. thanksgiving break used to mean a 4 hour meal at the st. regis in laguna niguel, complete with pancake bar, sushi bar, and full traditional turkey buffet. thanksgiving used to be one of my favorite times of year, and now thanksgiving is nothing but a painful reminder of what i used to have.

since my thanksgiving break consisted of nothing but sitting on the couch, family feuds (not the game show) and being lonely, i had a lot of time to think about how i grew up. exceedingly blessed is an understatement for the kind of life i've lived, which makes the divorce and dissolution of my family that much harder.

i'm still struggling to accept that this is my life; that this is the hand i've been dealt, this is what the Lord knew i needed to grow and progress. it's hard to imagine that this kind of pain, hurt, and destruction could possibly be good for me or anyone. and it's even harder for me to think that my parents chose this pain, they chose to destroy our family.

due to my personal circumstances and the week i spent at "home", i've had a lot of time to think about my future marriage and my future family. i know i'm not going to have a perfect life, and i know i'm going to continue to go through hard things, but i know for sure that divorce is not an option for me. i refuse to allow my marriage to fall apart and i refuse to put my kids through anything like what i've been through. i think my dad said it best when he sincerely and apologetically said, "you don't deserve to come from a broken home." he's right, i don't, and my siblings don't either.

so this is my personal promise, in writing, to my kids who don't even exist yet, that they will not come from a broken family. it's simply not an option for me because they don't deserve that.

that being said, here are some snapshots of thanksgiving day, which was by far the best day of the week. we spent thanksgiving with my dad and his sweet girlfriend yvonne, who is so kind and gracious and warm. i don't know if she reads this blog, but if you do yvonne, i can't find words to thank you enough for your hospitality and sincerity and love. thank you thank you.

disclaimer: i realize that this post is kind of a pity-party, but this is my blog, and i can say whatever i want on it.

2010-11-27T22:05:00.000-08:00

this is my favorite picture of me.

and this is how i feel.

2010-11-21T21:02:00.000-08:00

tomorrow

will be a great day.

why you ask?

maybe because i'm going to be dining at veggie grill, of my fav restaurants for dinner.

or maybe because i am going to be seeing harry potter and the deathly hallows part 1 at the spectrum.

or maybe tomorrow will be great because i'm fleeing the freezing state of utah.

maybe tomorrow will be great because i'm going to be sleeping at good old 6 rue cezanne, a place i haven't been in some time.

but i think the main reason why tomorrow is going to be great is because i am going to be reunited with these people:

and last but not least...

6 days without you is much too long.

2010-11-18T19:12:00.000-08:00

today i had a seminar at 11, work at 12, and class at 4:30.
i had to leave the seminar early, which was a bummer because it was taught by this really cute lady who started utah valley magazine. i wanted to ask her if she could help a sister out and hook me up with an internship at utah bride, but that conversation is going to have to happen on another day.
anyway, i was low on gas and pressed for time on my way to work, and anyone who knows me knows that i hate being late. i hate it. it gives me so much anxiety. i think being late is rude, and i'm rarely rarely late. i was 2 minutes late today, which isn't a big deal to normal people, but it bugged me and i never really got rid of that anxiety all day.
work was good. my little man and i played with play-doh and we worked on learning colors and animal noises and shapes. i'm determined to make him a smart person. this is only my second day nannying for him, but i love him already. i hope i make a positive influence in his life, even if it's small. i hope that he remembers me when he grows up, and that he remembers i loved him.
i got off work at 4:10, and had class at 4:30, and i hate to stop for gas. so i was 15 minutes late to class. this about gave me a panic attack, especially because 1. we have quizzes in this class every day during the first 10 minutes of class. 2. this class is my lowest grade. 3. i have to get above a b- in this class to be accepted into my major. i have an 84. so i was late, even though i drove like a crazy person and got to campus in record time. i was starting to accept that i missed the quiz and i was going to be down another 10 points, and then the end of class came and everyone got out their iclickers to take the quiz. our TA was late too, so our quiz was postponed to post-lecture.
it was a thanksgiving miracle.
or a huge tender mercy.
i'll go with the latter.
i came home from class and realized i hadn't eaten anything this entire day. nothing. i just forgot to eat. what is wrong with me? maybe i'm subconsciously preparing myself for thanksgiving next week, when i'm sure i'll gain 10lbs. yeah, that must be it. but don't worry, i did have a rockstar lemonade for breakfast and i'm planning on getting a frozen yogurt for dinner. super healthy lifestyle over here.
i'm off to the library now to finish a 10 page paper on the himba tribe of africa. i know you want to read it.

2010-11-17T21:18:00.000-08:00

my favorite outfit:

ritz-carlton sweatshirt, victoria's secret boyfriend sweats.

it's like wearing a hug.

sorry i'm so pretty and stylish. don't be jealous.

2010-11-13T11:27:00.000-08:00

things that are awesome:

- i am newly employed. a cute little family in pleasant grove hired me to nanny their 2 year old.

- my super boring class was cancelled on thursday.

- i went to wendover for the first time on monday night.

- i slept in til 11:45 this morning.

- i'm wasn't that sore from plyometrics this week.

- i found my favorite veggie chips at harmons in orem.

- both the mall and the wilkinson center are christmas decorated.

things that are not so awesome:

- i ripped two pairs of jeans on thursday in the same exact spot: the knee. apparently i have fat knees, thanks.

- i went to only three classes this week. oops.

- david lost $60 at wendover. double oops.

- because i wasn't sore from plyometrics, i'm doing it again today.

- i am out of hummus. again.

- my blackberry only works if plugged in.

2010-11-10T18:48:00.000-08:00

i've been trying for the past three days to articulate my feelings.

but truth is, it's hard to put four years of emotion into words.

being with david is like life with a forcefield. like nothing can ever hurt me as long as he's there.

it's like being completely free, completely unreserved, completely myself.

it's like getting in bed after an exhausting day or finally eating after an extended fast.

in short, it feels like home.

(picture circa 2008)

i love the freckle on your right earlobe that looks like a piercing.
i love that you know the exact spot that always aches on my back.
i love that you went to the store last night at midnight to get me makeup remover.
i love that you're quitting diet coke, just because you know i want you to.
i love that you open the car door for me.
i love that you don't think i'm psycho for crying in the verizon store when my phone stopped working.
i love that you waited a half hour in the car while i interviewed, just so i would have someone to drive with.
i love that your hands engulf mine.
i love that you don't care that i eat all of your trailmix except the m&ms.

you are my home.

2010-11-04T20:51:00.000-07:00

david, his roommate henry and i are doing p90x.

we started on monday, and i swear i have never been so sore in my life.

when i cry going up the stairs or wince getting into my car, i just remember that my body is going to be so sick in 90 days.

90 days of torture for six pack abs...it's worth it right?

i'll let you know.

2010-11-02T19:18:00.000-07:00

yesterday was november 1st, which is a very very special day to me.

four years ago exactly, on november 1st 2006, i kissed a boy in the goldenspoon parking lot for the first time.

i had no idea at the time, but this boy ended up changing my life in countless ways.

he was my high school sweet heart, my missionary, my shoulder to cry on, my rock, and my best friend.

a lot has happened in these past four years.

we've grown up a lot, we've been through trials, we've become more independent and more dependent on each other at the same time.

we've learned how to love, and how to let go. we've learned how to be in a real relationship that requires give and take.

these four years haven't been easy, they've been really hard.

but despite everything that has happened to us, i wouldn't take back any of it.

a lot has changed in these four years, and a lot has remained the same.

there's still only one person i want to go through life with.

and it's you, mr. burton.

thank you for showing me what love is.

2010-10-25T23:53:00.000-07:00

it sounds awfully cliche, but i've lately been making life choices based off of the quote "what would you do if you knew you could not fail?"

it took me a long time to figure out what i wanted to do, career/education wise. i thought about design, i thought about english, i thought about journalism, and then i asked myself this infamous question and everything became clear.

if failing wasn't an option, i would want to be a lawyer.

lately i've been applying this question to other aspects of my life.

especially, my relationships.

"who would you choose to be with if you knew your relationship would not fail?"

and there's just one answer for me.

in the words of t-swift,

you are (still) the best thing that's ever been mine.

2010-10-21T13:50:00.000-07:00

being the control freak i am, i try really hard to plan my life.

i plan for the weekend, i plan what i'm going to have for dinner, i plan to study all day tomorrow for my last midterm, i plan what i'm going to wear to church on sunday.

i try and i try, and most of the time i fail.

because truth is, i don't have control of my life.

life continues to take me places i never thought i'd go.

i never thought i'd be the girl from a broken family, i never thought i'd live in london for four months, i never thought i'd actually pursue going to law school.

but here i am.

sometimes life takes you places you don't plan on going to.

it takes you scary places, dark places, happy places, and sometimes it takes you back.

back to places that are exactly what you need.

2010-10-20T18:56:00.000-07:00

words of wisdom:

if he misses you, he'll call.

if he wants you, he'll say it.

and if he cares, he'll show it.

and if not, he can't be worth your time

because you're obviously not worth his.

amen.

2010-10-13T16:16:00.000-07:00

dear dream man,
it sure is taking you a long time to find me. but it's okay, i guess i need to work on my patience anyway. i know that the wait will be worth it in the end.
i understand you're busy right now preparing for our life together. whether you're on a mission, in school, or building your career, thanks for working hard for me. your work ethic and desire to take care of me is one of the many qualities i adore about you.
thank you for supporting me in all of my endeavors. thanks for telling me that i can go to law school, and i can be a practicing lawyer, and i can be a super mom, and i can be the best wife ever. you bring out the best in me because you encourage me to maximize my potential.
thank you for being honest with me. i appreciate that you never speak empty words; you say things that you mean. and thank you for following up your words with your actions. you know that i listen to your actions more than your words, and i appreciate you following through with what you say.
thank you for respecting me. i love that you understand i'm a daughter of God, the crown jewel of his creation. thanks for treating me accordingly. for being chivalrous, for respecting my body and my mind, for speaking to me with care.
thank you for honoring your priesthood. thank you for setting an example for me and for our future children. thank you for studying your scriptures every night, for fulfilling your church calling, for helping me on my book of mormon quizzes. you are my rock, and i know that you can take me and our family to the celestial kingdom.
thank you for loving me unconditionally. thanks for forgiving me when i overreact or use a swear word. i know i'm not perfect, but i'm working on it, and you make me better.
well, i'm going to go now. i'm ready for you when it's right.
i love you,
emma

2010-10-12T22:14:00.000-07:00

this is the face of a long day.

i woke up with a lot of anxiety because i have an 8 page paper due tomorrow that i hadn't started, and i had a lot of reading for my law class that i also hadn't started.

don't ask me what i've been doing for the past week, because i sure don't know. but i can tell you it isn't homework.

anyway, after consulting with my dad and my sister, i decided to cancel my little trip home this weekend. and i just about cried. i wanted to go to disneyland more than anything. but i have midterms next week and a lab i can't miss on friday, so my rendezvous are going to have to wait for another time. academia, you win.

i finished my law assignment pretty quickly, thanks to the gem of a guy who scanned and sent me all the reading so i didn't have to make copies, and then i got down to business on that 8 page beast of an anthropology paper. i can basically tell you anything you'd ever want to know about the bushmen of africa, if you're ever curious.

i spent a total of 6 hours in the library today. i usually like tuesday afternoons because justin and i have library dates on the fourth floor like the good old days of freshmen year. except i don't sneak in diet coke anymore. i think i might live on the fourth floor this weekend since whitney will be gone. with no other half, i just won't know what to do with myself. harold b. lee, here i come.

2010-10-11T15:04:00.000-07:00

last week i didn't sleep. i think i averaged 6 hours every night. not enough. i don't know how it happens, but every night after we watch our shows (gossip girl, biggest loser, greys anatomy, jersey shore) we have girl talk and then all of the sudden it's 3am and i have class in seven hours. it's really not smart. so because of this lack of sleep and the combination of pms and the weather change and whatever else, i was in a funk all week. but the lack of sleep definitely caught up with me on friday when i felt like living death and passed out for 13 hours. most of provo was out partying or on dates or doing who knows what, and there i was, in my man sweats, party pony and no makeup, watching titanic until i fell asleep at 9pm. i'm super cool.
saturday we went to the game and watched jj do work on the field. they won, thank goodness, and victory was extra sweet because his birthday was on sunday. happy birthday to our honorary roommate/brother, mr. di luigi.

these are chocolate covered marshmallows rolled in coconut, and let me tell you, they were divine. maybe i had six. i've been on a major marshmallow kick lately. can't get enough.

we had a jersey shore themed dessert party sunday night for the birthday boy. if you don't watch jersey shore, i highly recommend you get on your tivo and record the rest of the season. it is probably the stupidest/sleaziest/most ridiculous show of all time, and i just can't help but love it. you probably won't get the signs if you don't watch it, but they're all jersey shore token phrases.
i'm going home this weekend to see my family and go to disneyland and pick up my winter clothes. i can't wait. i miss them a lot. i got to see my dad on saturday for a bit, he came into town for a funeral, but an hour wasn't enough. i miss hunter's jokes, i miss grabbing eden's butt, i miss dane's one-liners, i miss telling my mom everything about my life, i miss talking in voices with aenon, and i miss the security i feel from my dad. my family is dysfunctional to the max, but i really do love all those crazy people.
anyway, this week just might kill me. i have a ton of reading for my law class tomorrow, an 8-page anthropology paper due wednesday, and two little one pagers due wednesday too. and i have midterms next week. when it rains, it pours.
but my life is good. so so so good that sometimes my face hurts from smiling too much. lately i've made a conscious effort to be aware of the tender mercies in my life. for the miracle parking space i find when i'm running late, for the cute baby that waves at me at the store, for the girl who compliments my bag on campus, for the talk in church tailored for me, for the text message from the boy who gives me butterflies. and the more i focus on being grateful for these little customized blessings, the more aware i am of the Lord's hand in my life.
i'm grateful for my maker, and i'm grateful He has a plan for me.

2010-10-05T14:46:00.000-07:00

we took a girls trip to st. george this weekend...

and got really acquainted with the self timer on my digital rebel.

we stayed in this beautiful house right on the boulevard...

and had a lovely little spa sesh the first night.

we enjoyed apple tv and access to over 2,000 movies...

we decided on a-team, how to lose a guy in 10 days, and grown ups.

we lived off of these, which are noncarbonated-20 calorie cans of deliciousness.

and had shirley's cinnamon rolls in the morning. breakfast of champions.

our humble abode. (ps. richard tagged along for our girls weekend)

we went to the st. george marathon on saturday morning...

to support brady's momma jill.

go momma go!

and we ran into a couple friends along the way. sidenote: andrew baker, the handsome man with his arm around me, ran the marathon in 2 hours and 48 minutes. you do the math, but that's pretty incredible.

we ate a lot of food and had a lot of laughs and took a lot of pictures...

including these gems...

sexy.

the next morning we went on a little helicopter adventure...

which was a little bit scary but absolutely incredible.

helicopter rides, just part of the fabulous lives of emma and whitney.

i never appreciated the red rock and landscape of st. george until i saw it from above. truly a beautiful place.

we said our goodbyes on sunday afternoon...

and i am already missing the warmth and carelessness and laughter that weekend-getaways always offer.

st. george, you were good to us.

until next time.

2010-09-20T00:57:00.000-07:00

let me give you all a little update on my life, since it's been great lately.

the last few weeks have been an absolute whirlwind of late nights and laughs and carefree bliss.

i've loved every minute of it.

i've adopted this new philosophy on life that i'm considering writing a book about.

but that's a topic for another blog post.

anyway, the first week of school i went to the john mayer concert...

and we've been hitting up the provo social scene pretty hard (my motto for this semester is "you have to put yourself out there")...

we supported our superstar jj at his football game (stay tuned for jj jerseys, coming soon)...

we had a wrestling match with jj and our neighbor ben today with about 15 spectators (whitney and i won, despite what it looks like in the video)...

we celebrated our neighbor dave's birthday...

i supported my other half whitney in her football game (she is intense, for real)...

i made flyers for the ward activity (i'm hilarious, i know)...

and i've spent a lot of time with the boys next door, who i accidently referred to as my roommates the other day. thanks for being my main men, you guys.

all in all, it's been a great month back in the ptown.

a lot of yozone has been consumed, a lot of laughs have been had, a lot of sleep has been deprived, a lot of friendships have been made, and i am just happy as can be.

2010-09-15T19:20:00.000-07:00

we talked about rape today in my prelaw class. i thought this was appropriate.

2010-09-08T11:59:00.000-07:00

yesterday was a red-letter day, as it was the first day of my pre-law class. i anticipated it all morning and when i pulled up the case i was supposed to read for class, i had butterflies in my stomach. big butterflies. big fat monarch butterflies. call me silly, but i am hugely intimidated by the thought of being pre-law. maybe it's because my dad is an attorney and i see how hard he works and how busy he is, or maybe it's because i know how strenuous law school is, or maybe it's just because i still don't feel like i'm prepared to enter such an adult phase of life. or maybe it's a combination of all three.
but anyway, i pulled up my case on the byu law library website (intimidating, again) and i read it and then i read it again and then i thought about it and then i talked about it the rest of the day because it captivated me. it got me excited. it turned those butterflies into a spark.
the case we read involved a domestic dispute between newlyweds which resulted in the husband stabbing his wife nineteen times. she died, needless to say. anyway, the point of the case is whether or not words are provocation enough for murder, since the wife was relentlessly verbally attacking her husband. the court decided it was not so, and mr. kitchen knife appealed, but was unsuccessful again.
i had class at 7, so i had all day to think about how i felt about the case, and really how i felt about the impact of words. it's no secret that i'm a lover of words, especially the written kind. i live for those moments when i read something that makes me feel so deeply that it pulls at my heart-strings and gives me goosebumps. it's usually shakespeare. or gordon b. hinckley.
i called my dad after class and told him all about it and how we learned how to brief a case and how excited i was that i may have found what i want to do with my career. after we hung up, i realized i probably should've thanked him for giving me so much. and not only temporal things, but priceless and intangible gifts, like his love for words and his memorization skills and his tolerance for diversity. people have always told me how like my mom i am, with my appearance and my laugh and my eyes, but lately i've seen how very similar i am to my dad, on the inside.
so dad, here's to you.
thanks for making me smart and determined.

2010-09-02T19:08:00.000-07:00

your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek & find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
- rumi.

2010-08-26T20:20:00.000-07:00

after a mere 4 hours of sleep, a 3am wake-up call and a 9 hour drive with a handsome half cuban man...

please note me and whitney....

i am back in action, ptown style.
so very excited to be alive right now.

2010-08-24T23:19:00.000-07:00

(thanksgiving 2007)

today i am especially thankful for my sisters.

i love that aenon laughs at my jokes when no one else does.

i love that eden is an example in patience and kindness.

i love that aenon sends me daily horoscopes via text message.

i love that eden wears her pajamas for days on end.

but most of all, i love that our souls are forever linked.

2010-08-23T10:32:00.000-07:00

reasons why living with my dad in the chic high-rise apartment is awesome:

- the fridge is full of fancy, healthy food from whole foods.

- the apartment is absolutely immaculate all the time.

- access to sauna, steam room, gym and pool, all empty and brand new.

- i park next to an m6, ferrari, s55 amg, and super charged range everyday.

- i wake up and overlook beautiful orange county, 17 stories up.

- taking the elevator multiple times a day never gets old.

- since i grew up in a noisy household full of many children and animals, the solitude and quiet of this place never goes unappreciated.

reasons why living with my dad in the chic high-rise apartment is not so awesome:

- the fridge does not magically refill itself. it's mainly my responsibility to ensure we have food. and i've been slacking.

- my dad steam cleans the wood floors at 7am, when i am trying to sleep.

- wood floors that are regularly steam cleaned are slippery.

- as much as i love my dad and his bff quinn, joining them on man-dates to see ridiculous action movies such as "the expendables" is not for me.

- even though i would love to, fact is that i just don't fit in with the ferrari and m6 class.

- the gate to the parking structure closes at 11pm and i don't have a clicker. fml.

2010-08-15T22:25:00.000-07:00

i spent the entire weekend at disneyland with these glorious people.

i really, really love my family.

2010-08-15T00:17:00.000-07:00

today i considered my personal recipe for happiness.

disneyland is a major, necessary ingredient.

my dad bought me a disneyland pass today.

my soul feels rejuvenated and my heart is happy.

2010-08-13T21:00:00.000-07:00

(view from my dad's balcony, 17 floors up)

sometimes all you really need is a long hot shower, your favorite pair of oversized victorias secret sweats, and your daddy to reassure you that everything is going to be okay.

2010-08-02T12:46:00.000-07:00

i am a terrible blogger, i know.

i would love to use the excuse that i'm having too much fun doing awesome summer things and don't have time to blog, but that's not true. i babysit, i eat, i watch the food network with hunter, i sleep with my mom, and i read while working on my tan simultaneously. it's a tough life.

but sometimes i do fun things....

like go to palm springs with my friends.

or go to the doghouse with old friends.

but just sometimes.

usually i'm too busy consuming mass amounts of yogurtland or organizing my wardrobe.

i bought my all sports pass for the fall this morning. to say i'm excited for ptown round 4 would be a vast understatement.

i'm feeling good things about this fall.

good things indeed.

2010-07-21T14:34:00.000-07:00

i had the most deliciously vivid dream last night about this piece of heaven.

hummingbird bakery on portobello road in london.

hands down, the greatest red velvet cupcake i have ever had.

i'd like to go back to that dream now please.

2010-07-14T10:07:00.000-07:00

i've been doing a little bit of babysitting this summer. and i really like it. my babies are always well behaved and happy and smell good and like to sit on my lap. makes me happy.

i've been developing a bit of a complex lately about my life and how i'm not engaged, not married, not pregnant, not graduated, etc. it seems like everyone around me has already made these huge life choices and experienced these monumental moments, and i am still waiting for it to happen to me. and i know it will, so i'm not too concerned, but it makes me question my progress and state in life sometimes.

yesterday i served macaroni and cheese for dinner and watched as my sweet little guy took handfuls of the stuff and shoved it in his mouth. macaroni on the floor, macaroni in his hair, macaroni down his shirt, macaroni everywhere. i gave him a bath and put him in his pajamas and he was all clean and cuddly and not sticky again but after the whole event i was kind of exhausted. who knew serving macaroni and cheese could be such an ordeal?

on monday i signed onto byu.edu to check my schedule for fall. my astronomy class conflicted with the john mayer concert i'm attending, so i decided to look for something else to take. i got really ambitious and looked up legal education and practice, and low and behold, there was one seat available. one. and i took that as a sign. i registered.

emma johnson, pre-law.

pray for me.

some people get married at 18, some people have babies at 20, some people go on missions at 21, some people go to law school.

and just maybe i'm one of those.

2010-07-08T15:27:00.000-07:00

things i just don't like:

they're plain ugly, people. stop wearing them.

june gloom. it's july. mother nature, can you help a sister out please?

the fact that i am not here. in miami.

however, i do really like:

freeze dried peas from henry's. if you live in so oc (south orange county), go get yourself a bag of these delicious and nutritious little bites of heaven. thank me later.

currently rereading this gem. sometimes voldemort makes me want to sleep with the lights on.

skype. thanks for aiding the development of my budding relationship.

2010-06-30T10:09:00.000-07:00

so this one time i sat outside with no sunscreen on my face...

and a week later my skin is peeling off in chunks.

eeeeeek.

sorry i'm so pretty, don't be jealous.

2010-06-25T16:04:00.000-07:00

happy day yesterday.

my momma turned 34.

we celebrated with the regular 5 mile coto loop (which is still kicking my butt after 3 days) and then my mom made the most delicious egg scramble ever with apple chicken sausage, spinach, red peppers and mushrooms. seriously yum.

hunter and i then accompanied her to the beach where the weather was not ideal, but a bad beach day is impossible.

and then we came home, got ready and went to dinner at woodranch where she ordered her second favorite sweet potato fries. sorry woodranch, guru's has you beat.

we took some pictures and practiced our sexy scowls, which we have trademarked as "the carson". anyone who knows mr. carson mccusker well will understand. hunter's look is pretty fierce, but i really think i have him beat.

i then went and saw toy story 3 with SOD. it may or may not have made marissa cry. if you haven't seen it yet, go see it. even if movie prices are $12.50, some are really worth it.

i'm feeling really great about life these days. i just got my spring term grades back, dominated it, and my gpa is lookin' real good. it's looking so good i just might have to apply to law school. i'm going places in life, people.

after our coto loop torture, i spent the day poolside in the backyard with max and hunter. i got crispy and deepened my tan lines and am now contemplating taking a nap on the couch while listening to them play video games on the wii.

this is the life i'm cut out for.

from BTG SOD with love,

princess emma.

2010-06-23T21:07:00.000-07:00

summer of dreams is in full swing.
justin came home on monday. i greeted him at the airport. i may have shed a tear or two.
i've been doing nothing but laying in the sun, walking the five mile coto loop in the morning, updating my twitter, eating delicious food from henry's, playing with fun people, taking naps on the couch, and wearing premium denim cut offs.
summer time is really the most wonderful time of the year.

2010-06-20T22:07:00.000-07:00

to my daddy,

thanks for kissing my face goodbye even though i was asleep.

you will always be the first man who's ever loved me

and i will always be your baby.

i love you for eternity and beyond.

2010-06-20T02:53:00.000-07:00

my sarah got married today. whitney and i went to the temple and greeted them when they came out. last week, when sarah went through the temple for the first time, whitney texted her and asked her how it was. she responded with a simple "there's no other way to do it." and it's true. eternal marriage is the only option for me.

the entire day i watched brock and sarah watch each other. and it might sound strange, but the love and the adoration they have for each other was written all over their faces. they are insanely in love and so happy. and i can't help but look forward to the day when i find that kind of happiness.

my favorite picture of the entire day. i am sorry to all of you brides out there, but sarah is the most gorgeous bride i have ever seen. ever.

after the temple we met my mom and hunter at the veggie grill. it may have been our second time in two days. the chop chop chef salad may also be the most delicious salad i've ever had.

have i mentioned lately that i love my whitney? i'm so lucky to have a best friend.

after lunch we laid by the pool for a while and then got ready for the reception. marissa, kristi and chelsea joined whit and i and we drove through the ghetto to la verne. brock's home and the reception were beautiful. brock and sarah were beautiful. it was just an all around beautiful night.

after the reception we came home and ate a lot of fruit and whipped cream. i don't know what my deal is lately, but i seem to be addicted to cool whip and whipped cream. i eat it by itself. i know, it's gross.

but anyway, it's days like this when i'm happiest. days when i'm having fun with people i love.

have i also mentioned how much i love my girlfriends? this semester i've realized how essential having good girlfriends is. and i have some real good ones.

i'll say it yet again. i really am the luckiest girl in the world.

2010-06-17T21:15:00.000-07:00

it's a great day to be a laker fan.

kobe for life.

2010-06-17T14:25:00.001-07:00

2010-06-14T00:19:00.000-07:00

i just blogged a couple minutes ago but i'm procrastinating a paper so i think i will stimulate my brain a little bit and go into a little more depth about my life and my thoughts in yet another blog.
it sure is your lucky night, my beloved readers.
i thought a lot about what i want this weekend. i think that figuring out what i want is one of the biggest struggles i have to face, which might sound silly, but it's very true. Heavenly Father has blessed me with a lot of opportunities to have pretty much anything i want, but i struggle with pinpointing exactly what that is. i overanalyze and i weigh my options a lot and it makes me incredibly indecisive and often times stagnant. it's hard for me to take that leap of faith and choose one path and one option, because i always fear i have made the lesser choice. i've made some unblogworthy decisions in my life (as all of us have) and i am no stranger to regret. i've experienced enough of it in my short life that i know there's no place for it in my future.
this year, however, i've been consciously and effectively battling this dilemma. i made the decision to live in europe for four months, i made the decision to be a print journalism major, i made the decision to take classes in the spring and i made the decision to end the most serious and loving relationship i have ever had.
in so many ways i am surprised at my own audacity and boldness. i am surprised that i, the world's most overly cautious twenty year old on the planet, made adult decisions like these. i am proud of myself and the progress i've made and the positive effects that these decisions have brought about in my life. i suppose that my surprise is silly, however, because i am never alone in decision making.
it's not my own insight or intelligence or wisdom directing these choices - it's a much higher power, manifesting His hand in my life.
and that is all i've ever really wanted.

2010-06-13T22:40:00.000-07:00

lately:

1. i've celebrated a lot of birthdays.

2. i have really nice friends.

3. i go to school a lot.

4. i'm moving home for summer on thursday.

5. my best friend in the world comes home from his two year bolivian mission in one week.

6. the guys in my communications group are rapping our final presentation.

7. i play musical beds a lot.

8. i'm still very happy.

2010-06-08T09:46:00.000-07:00

my forty day challenge of eating super healthy ended yesterday. i have to say i'm kind of bummed about it. i absolutely loved it. eating healthy is the key to feeling good and looking good and being happy. seriously.
i don't really have anything of meaning to blog about. but i'm just very very happy.
life is hard sometimes but it's important to always remember how inherently good it is.
if i got a tattoo i suppose it would say that.
life is hard, but it is oh so good.

2010-06-02T22:10:00.000-07:00

i took this photo a couple weeks ago and didn't notice how beautiful it was until i uploaded it onto my iphoto.

my lovely little whitney.

it's not everyday that you find a friend who makes you better without even trying.

i am forever thankful i found one of those people and that i am lucky enough to live with her.

thanks for being the best whit.

really.

xoxo.

2010-05-29T20:52:00.000-07:00

i'm home.

slept with my mom and toby (the dog) last night.

he is a terrible bed partner but i don't mind too much.

went to the beach today.

got a little sunburned on my shoulders and the tops of my feet, but life will go on.

i secretly like a little sunburn.

the lakeshow kept me on the edge of my seat during the fourth quarter.

kobe did work.

bring on the celtics.

finished my book the hunger games.

i have mixed feelings about it.

intriguing story, poorly written.

happy day.

happy girl.

happy life.

2010-05-26T23:09:00.000-07:00

i'm flying home for the weekend on friday.
i'm excited beyond words. not because i don't love living here, because i do, but because i miss home.
i miss my family.
i'm mentally preparing myself for this trip, however.
you see, my parents are getting a divorce and my dad moved out this week.
apparently he is now in a ritzy apartment in newport with a bellman and a spa and floor-to-ceiling windows. i've been imagining him coming home from work to that empty apartment all day. bare walls, no furniture yet, no dogs to greet him, no welcoming voices.
it makes my heart ache.
i'm preparing myself for the new reality i am about to face: my home without my dad.
no more coming home through the side door at 2am to find him in his favorite chair watching tv, no more laughing as he snores and then wakes up and insists he isn't tired, no more purr of his mercedes pulling into the garage, no more laughing at our scottie's absolute love for him, no more summer nights in the jacuzzi, no more losing his keys/phone/glasses in the house.
and i know that my dad is still my dad and i will still have a relationship with him and he will still be around, i know that, but there is something incredibly unsettling about the thought of the house without his physical presence. home without my father doesn't seem like home to me.
i suppose this is just one of those life changes that are becoming more and more frequent in my life.
and i should be used to these kinds of things by now, but i am not.
i was thinking about the past two years of my life today and how hard they have been and how much i've had to adjust and grow from my circumstances. i was wondering when it would all stop, when life would calm down and i would be able to smooth sail again.
and then i realized that's probably not going to happen.
because this series of struggles is life.
it's real life.
welcome to the real world, princess emma.

2010-05-23T21:57:00.000-07:00

i don't know if any of you readers watched the season finale of greys anatomy this week, but i did and it has stayed in my mind for days. i won't give away all the details, but there's a shooting in the hospital and one of the doctors discusses how she learned on oprah ways to talk a shooter out of killing you. apparently you are supposed to make yourself seem human to the shooter by telling him personal facts about your life.
the morning after i watched this show i was on campus and it sounds silly but i kept thinking about who has guns and what if some random cougar just went on a rampage and pulled a gun on me.
what would i say?
what makes me seem human?
how would i try to convince someone that i should live?
i decided i would tell him that my name is emma and i am a daughter and a sister and a granddaughter and a friend to people who love me dearly. i would tell him that i'm young and inexperienced and that i have my whole life to live. i would tell him that more than anything, i want to be a mother and a wife and to please not take that opportunity away from me.
it's a bizarre and disturbing scenario to think about. i pray it never happens to me, but thinking about it has stimulated my brain quite a bit. you have to admit, it's a pretty intriguing subject.
what makes you human?
why should you live?

2010-05-22T08:30:00.000-07:00

it's a beautiful saturday morning...

and i am at the harold b. lee library

studying for my humanities 202 midterm

which i take in 2 hours and 30 minutes.

as the rest of provo is in a sweet lazy slumber,

i am studying.

such a shame.

2010-05-20T17:31:00.000-07:00

this week's gossip girl caused a lot of distress in our house.

tears were shed, screams erupted, hearts were broken.

chuck bass, why do i love you so much?