miss emma.

(the preston temple)

today i felt a lot of clarity. i felt very aware and very in control of my life. i felt like i was able to perfectly see my life and how i have progressed in the past three and a half months here and how this experience has forever changed me. it's strange that it's almost over, and even though i am looking forward to coming home, i will miss this place.

i decided to apply for the program on a whim. i just did not want to spend my winter in snowy provo, and was looking for any way out. the deadline to apply for hawaii had passed, and so study abroad seemed to be my only option. i don't speak any languages, and the people speak english in london, so i applied and i crossed my fingers and i was accepted. the months before i came to london it all felt like a dream; like it wasn't going to really happen. but january seventh really happened, and i really got on a plane by myself, and i really flew to london with no friends, and only two acquaintances. now, Heavenly Father has given me a lot of blessings, so i never have reason to complain, but he didn't necessarily give me the gift of being self-reliant. i like to describe myself as a leech. i depend on people, so coming to a foreign place for four months was a huge struggle for me. i didn't know how i was going to react, i didn't know if i was going to like it, i was scared of getting scared, and i was scared of being homesick. but i came anyway, because i knew in my heart that it was the right place for me to be. i took a chance and did something hard because i knew that it was an incredible opportunity and that it was the right thing for me. looking back on that now, it seems so out of my character to do this program, like some force bigger than me was motivating me to go, and i am inexpressibly glad that i did. 

the past three and a half months i've learned to do things on my own. i've learned to make my own friends, to make my own happiness, to make my own future. i've learned the importance of being driven, i've been reassured that the key to happiness is the Gospel, i've learned a lot about the kind of man i want to marry, and i've realized that settling is simply not an option for me. 

i suppose that this is what happens when you are taken away from everything you rely on - you learn that you can stand on your own two feet without support.