miss emma.

tonight we had our annual memorial day bbq at the pinner household and my heart hurt a little bit for my elder ryan pinner who is serving the Lord in west virginia. we watched some videos of ryan in the mtc being a goof and of him opening a package from his parents and of his ghetto apartment he's currently living in and after being in his house and being with his family, i missed those warm hugs and trademark kisses on the cheek pretty badly. 

being nineteen is a horribly tragic age because all of my boys i grew up with are gone and i miss them all terribly. my first year up in provo, i didn't know any of my roommates and i didn't have a lot of girl friends, but i had a solid support system of boys from back home. i really don't know how i would've gotten through that dreadful year without them living just minutes away and i feel so blessed to have had a second family in provo that year. they are all serving the Lord in distant lands now but i will always feel a certain love and connection for them because they took care of me when i needed it the most. when i had an especially bad day or when it was especially snowy outside, i treaded down to their apartment and curled onto their couch and just did nothing with them and it felt so right. when we went to parties and creepy men would hit on me, one of them would pretend to be my boyfriend. they always let me sit in the front seat. when they needed a date for some function, i was their girl. they didn't mind if i rummaged through their cupboards and ate their oreos. they didn't judge me for dating losers or for breaking their best friend's heart. they are great boys and incredible missionaries, i'm sure. 

last year at this time, i was preparing to say goodbye to my best friend for two years. i remember our final beach day like it was yesterday. he picked me up and i got into his immaculately clean car and he was listening to the spill canvas and he handed me a notebook and a pen and i wrote down all of the things he needed to pack as he listed them off to me. i think that was the moment i realized he was actually leaving me; going on this adventure completely on his own. we had lived very parallel lives until this moment. we took the same classes since seventh grade, we had generally the same group of friends, we were involved in the same extra curricular activities, we went to the same college, we finished each other's sentences, we read each other's thoughts. but in this moment, when i was writing down everything he needed to do and everything he needed to take with him, it all became clear to me that this was where our paths divided and i wanted more than anything for time to stop. but it didn't of course, and he left and i live for monday mornings when i get those sweet little two-line emails from him saying simply "be good. miss you. love you. write me." 

so here's to you, my sweet missionaries, serving the Lord all over the world. 

thank you for inspiring me.

i love you all and miss you everyday and i'm so so so proud of you.