miss emma.

today i thought about how needlessly complicated my life is and how content i would be living anywhere, as long as i was with my man. i listened to this song and thought about running away to thailand, where we could live off of the very small fortune i have in my savings account and david could build us a hut on the beach. i could weave bracelets for money. david's an eagle scout, he could catch us some bunnies to roast. we both look really good with tans. we could be completely content, in a hut, on the beach, with nothing but each other, forever.

sometimes i feel so much pressure to hurry up and graduate and get out in the big real world and make a name for myself and bring home a big paycheck and be a supervisor or a president or an executive something or other. i feel this pressure, and i stress over it, and i keep myself up at night worrying about my retirement plan and what a mess the economy is and how i really want to be a homeowner within the first five years of my married life. i have so many aspirations and expectations for myself and goals to accomplish, and i have to admit that sometimes i lose sight of the bigger picture so much that i can't find it.

i've been thinking about switching my major the past couple of days from graphic design to journalism. this is all very sudden to me and it's really thrown me off track because it took me a seriously long time to commit to a career path and declare a major. i kept running through the pros and cons of each and then i bbmed my dad and asked him what i should do and which one would be more lucrative. he replied with "lucrative is not the issue. do what you love." my dad is wise. i wanted to ask him what i should do when all i really love in life is food, traveling the world, the sunshine, my dog, and my boyfriend. if i could please find a career including all of those things, all the time, that would be great.

until then, i am going to work on suppressing my panic attacks, maybe pursuing an anti-anxiety medication, seek any sort of advice available, and pray. a lot.