miss emma.

i've decided i should blog more, even though i don't have anything too exciting to post about these days.
i just go to school and then come home and then procrastinate my homework and watch the food network and then go to sleep and restart the cycle. it's mundane, but it's kind of nice in a weird way. i like regularity.
today was mothers day and i went to my grandma's house for dinner with my extended family. words can't express the battle i went through when i was slicing the pound cake and scooping ice cream with cousin shea for dessert. i would've sold my first born for that bowl of deliciousness, but by some miracle i declined the calories and opted for a bowl of strawberries instead. this diet thing is a serious test for me. sometimes i like to be dramatic and make the diet bigger than it is by comparing it to conquering the natural man or relating it to life sacrifices. as far as i'm concerned, the natural man is going down. i will conquer this diet.
today i was able to figure out one of my all time biggest pet-peeves: when people feel sorry for me. i've never been one of those girls looking for a pity party. i like being strong and in control and together. but lately i've had to accept that i am going to be the homeless puppy for a while. and by homeless puppy, i mean the girl that everyone looks at and thinks "oh poor thing, i'm so sorry." and you know what, that's fine. people can feel sorry for me all they want but i don't feel sorry for myself. i tell myself all the time that i am fine, i will continue to be fine, and that these things going on in my life do not define who i am. i am going to be positive, i am going to move forward, and i am going to become a better person because of these trials.
last night i went to dinner and a movie with caitlin and audrey. i kept seeing everyone out on dates with their boyfriends and husbands and such and there we were...three girls on a date? i've had a lot of epiphanies this week but one of them concerns my dating life. or lack of, so to speak. i'm in no rush. sure, all my friends are getting married and sure, my grandpa told me that if i wasn't married by the time i graduated i was a hopeless cause, but you know what, i am in no rush. i'm going to find the right person for me. he's out there, and he's looking for me too. it's just taking some time and i've had a couple bumps and detours in the road. and that's fine. because i'm in no rush. did i mention i'm in no rush?
tonight at family dinner my grandma asked me when my missionary comes home. kind of caught me off guard considering i haven't thought about this certain missionary in a long while and i can't remember the last time i talked about him with anyone other than my mom, but lo and behold she asked and i stumbled on my words and got kind of awkward and blushed when i replied. he comes home pretty soon. and maybe i didn't realize how soon it was until i said it out loud. maybe it's too soon. and maybe i'm not really ready for that yet because i can't imagine my life getting any more complicated than it already is.
on a totally unrelated tangent, yesterday while watching the food network, i saw bobby flay learn how to make belgian waffles like they have in london. never in my life have i craved anything more. and i was so helpless to relieve that craving, 1. because i am on a rigorous diet that does not include chocolate or waffles and 2. because i am very very far away from london. i suppose that is what it's going to be like to be pregnant. uncontrollable cravings leading to suffering on the verge of tears. oh boy i am glad i am not pregnant. my mom and i were talking on the phone today about all the ways my life could be worse. and the number one way was if i was pregnant. count your blessings, my friends.
disclaimer: sorry this blog is all over the place and kind of focused on food. i'm hungry.