Thursday, May 21, 2009

let me just vent to you a little bit.
this morning i woke up at 7am and felt like i was going to vomit, courtesy of our terrible trip to cheesecake factory last night. those of you who know me know that i hate throwing up. in fact, i haven't done it since my junior year of high school when i got food poisoning from ruby's. i hate being nauseous. luckily, i was able to force my body into going back to sleep and i did not barf. 
i then woke up at 930am and showered and got ready to go to work and was feeling good until i went to put my shoes on. i wish i had a camera to show you the state of my feet right now. i dare you to find someone with a more mangled, swollen, calloused, blistered, pair of feet. this is what walking nine hours a day on concrete will do to you. it feels like my bones are going to explode. they are so painful in fact, that i could not fit them into my shoes at first. i had a minor surgery sesh in my kitchen this morning with a sewing needle, popping my blisters. four bandaids and ten minutes later, i was off to work.
for those of you who aren't aware, it is the half yearly sale at nordstrom right now. unfortunately, the economy is kind of scary and not a lot of people can afford to shop. and unfortunately for me, the economy has also forced nordstrom to lower their prices, so unfortunately every piece i sell is only $20 and even if i sell 7 pieces, it unfortunately doesn't add up to be enough. this whole situation is just unfortunate. really. 
today eric nordstrom planned on making a visit to the store so everyone was freaking out and my managers wanted everyone to be perfect and my cute little crocheted top didn't make the cut and apparently it showed too much shoulder for a day when eric nordstrom was visiting. so my sweet mother dropped by for lunch and brought me a cardigan. but don't worry, eric nordstrom didn't even show up.
on my lunch break, i shopped in lingerie for my friend paige's bridal shower tonight. i am so happy for paige and so glad she found someone great like doug. they are in love and are going to be great together. however, i hate weddings right now. i am such a cranky cynic about love and i just don't think it's ever going to happen to me again. i haven't mentioned it in months and i hate to bring it up again, but i really was very in love once upon a time. and i was happy. and i did think i was going to marry this person. but he lied and he manipulated and he cheated and i forgave him and i forgave him and it was very wrong and i wasn't thinking clearly because i was just a love struck stupid 18 year old. but it happened to me and it blew up in my face and i can't even imagine putting myself out there again. i don't want to work for something that is going to fail. i can't afford to anymore; i'm too tired and my heart is fragile now. i really wish i could erase that from my life and start over and i wish i could be carefree and willing to take a chance on matters of the heart, but i can't. i can't erase it, i can just hope to push it to the side and move forward with my life. so that's what i've done and that's what i'm doing and don't let this bad day fool you, i am a happy girl. my life is so good. but gosh, some days these wounds just get ripped open and it all comes back to me. 

1 comment:

Shanna said...

Jane Austen quote: "Preserve yourself from a first love & you need not fear a second."
I hope you're feeling better Emma!
I've been catching up on your blog after seeing the link from your mom's page, and I've absolutely enjoyed it-- you have a gift for expression in writing, and I love reading about you and the rest of the family down in OC. I'm looking forward to new posts.
Good luck with work and I hope to see you all soon!